"Football and prostitutes," said Sunny, "You can't trust them." I can't speak for her experience of the latter, but I do know that her knowledge of the former is... sketchy, to say the least. My own life exposure (I swear) in regard to toms has not gone beyond gawping at shop windows in Amsterdam and (once) donating a half finished kebab (and that is not a euphemism) to a lady of the night as I sat swaying in a shop doorway after a particularly excessive Friday night.
Still - informed or not - it's certainly an interesting maxim, I'm sure you will agree. I think it attempts to sum up the doomed and futile quest for love by a desperate sad and lonely man when he visits a prossie, even though he knows and she knows that for her it's nothing more than a means of getting the next rock and can of White Ace, and that for him when he goes home (wife or not) he will feel only wretched self-loathing and be even more isolated than he was before. So much for that then.If Man City is my whore, then something's wrong, because I'm the one getting fucked.
Tch! I do have some new songs you know! And not all of them about prostitutes either!
ReplyDeleteWell I think Roxanne is the only fucking decent song you ever did.
ReplyDeleteI am a member of The Snogwriters Hall of Fame I'll have you know. How many halls of fame are YOU in Mr Martin? I mean as a member, not just walking through with a lolly-ice.
ReplyDeleteDon't you DARE slag off my brother like that. He inspired She's Leaving Home I'll have you know. Hall of fame indeed.
ReplyDeleteI like the police
ReplyDeleteCan I just take this opportunity to announce my new one-man show: 'I have a certain amount of blubber.' Tix available NOW!
ReplyDeletePlease don't pay any attention to my client. He, in fact, recently went on a shopping expedition by himself. He managed to purchase a single loafer, hence his 'one-man shoe'.
ReplyDeleteDid your client buy a lazy person?
ReplyDeleteHe bought one got one free
ReplyDeleteYes, I bought one and he came with a free stout yoeman!
ReplyDeleteI'm in a hall of fame!
ReplyDeleteSorry everybody, my client Mr Simone is in fact texting his message from the famous main hall of Versailles. Please ignore him.
ReplyDeletePay no attention to the man referring to himself as 'Paul Simone's Physchitrist'. There is no Paul Simone and he is not in France. The text from Paul Simone was in fact sent by my confused client.
ReplyDeleteHey y'all! I'm due to be inducted into my hall, by my wife, in about 5 minutes!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry everyone, Mr Kernel is, in fact, Colonel Kernel and he is NOT a snigger/snogwriter. Although he IS the biggest nut in the army!
ReplyDeleteI like nothing better than a good snig snog around the joanna
ReplyDeleteIs Major Hoolahan interested in forming a gele culb to snig snogs around the camfpire?
ReplyDeleteOpportunity knocks to inform people of the massive Amon Duul-ness of the first half of Arse-anal vs Mancaster City.
ReplyDeleteThe second half wasn't much better, Dear Leader.
ReplyDeleteWEST HAM FOREVER http://www.freewebs.com/athens-hammers/
ReplyDeleteDoes the previous commentator REALLY expect West Ham to last "forever"? In five billion years time the Sun will enter its Red Giant phase and the very atmosphere itself will boil away. There will be no more bubbles, of any kind, to blow.
ReplyDeleteJust think about it!
Ignore that jerk. The Steady State theory of the Universe would allow for an entity known as 'West Ham' to effectively last forever in the same repeating state. You may have felt its effects this season.
ReplyDeleteExactly how much ham is there out West?
ReplyDeleteExcuse me, but are you made entirely from Bacon?
ReplyDeleteC'mon man! Are you made entirely from gold?
ReplyDeleteActually, yes. Yes I am.
ReplyDeleteSurely you must have left a small patch at the small of the back to allow the skin to breathe?
ReplyDeleteActually, the skin does not breathe. Ian Fleming made it up. However, having said this, I think the prospect of Mr Gold actually being made entirely of gold remains remote.
ReplyDeleteActually, you're wrong. Have you ever tried covering yourself in gold Dulux under the heat of those lights? It was the death of me. Eventually
ReplyDeleteActually, you're both wrong. It was Lothar Mattheus!
ReplyDeleteActually, I made a mistake there, but you're still both wrong. If Mr Gold were made entirely of gold then I would be forced to steal him, as I love only gold.
ReplyDeleteHE LOVES ONLY GOLD!
ReplyDeleteGOLD!
ReplyDeleteDid somebody say GOLD?
ReplyDeleteDid somebody say prostitutes?
ReplyDeleteThat's funny, because my latest 45 is called: "Scientists are prostitutes." It's out now on A and M recordings.
ReplyDeleteNO IT'S NOT! It's on K-tel.
ReplyDeleteAlthough there is a new single by Paul Simone in the shops, it is a hoax. Please, don't assume it is the effort of a respected and professional snigger. It is the issue of an amateur snogwriter who masquerades as a physchitrist.
ReplyDeleteIM haave a neu ssingerul outt!!IIt iss: " Do Shoes have souls?"
ReplyDeleteDo not listen to this cat. He doesn't have a single out.
ReplyDeleteHe's gotta get a sniggle out. He owes it to the people.
ReplyDeleteNow then, now then, how's about I call you Doctor Cheese? Goodness gracious, can you lovely ladies and gents tell me the name of Cat R's first sniggle that came out way back in 1972?
ReplyDeleteWas it: "Grosser Jack"?
ReplyDeleteWhat pablum was the sniggle on?
ReplyDeleteWasn't it from 'Acquiring the taste'?
ReplyDeleteSurely that was the second album by Gentle Giant?
ReplyDeletePardon?
ReplyDeleteI said, wasn't that Gentle Giant?
ReplyDeleteWho, me?
ReplyDeleteWell, you certainly live in a steady state don't you?
ReplyDeleteWot a state.
ReplyDeleteWHAT YEAR IS THIS?
ReplyDeleteIt's the Year of the Cat of course
ReplyDeleteMwhhh!!! IM knw it!! HAA!
ReplyDeleteOh Christ. Look, my job is hard enough as is, without old sniggers contributing to my patient's delusion of grandeur!
ReplyDeleteWho you calling a snigger?
ReplyDeleteShut your mouth!
ReplyDeleteWho`s the white private dick who's a sex machine to all the chicks?
ReplyDeleteCannon!
ReplyDeletePlease don't etc etc
ReplyDeleteWhy do your correspondents insist on spelling 'Physchitrist' as 'Physchitrist'? I don't believe these people are really professional Physchitrists.
ReplyDeletePlease pay no attention to that chair.
ReplyDeleteOh Nooooooooooooo! I TOLD you about feeding his delusion of grandeur, didn't I? He's only gone and bloody well bid for the 2018 World Cup hasn't he!
ReplyDeleteOoooooh! I bet he tried to bribe them didn't he?
ReplyDeleteWell, he dropped a dead mouse into Sepp Blatter's cafe au lait as part of his bid presentation.
ReplyDeleteMyah! DDishlicious!
ReplyDeleteMais c'est R I D I C U L E !
ReplyDeleteIt is not possible that a chat can talk in such a fashion! We all know thanks to magnificent APES SAGA that only primates are possible to be speaking and interacting with assorted the dignitaries!
We know nothing. Least of all that a table exists at all. It may well be a tiger. Or an elephant.
ReplyDeleteLook, Mr O'sure, let's have a sit-down and talk about this.
ReplyDeleteI am an Elephant.
ReplyDelete