Every time I read about the disappearing and reappearing canoe man (top marks to the Mirror for the CANOE'S THIS IN PANAMA? headline) I can't help thinking of the song by Half Man Half Biscuit - I Love You Because You Look Like Jim Reeves, especially the opening lines:
"Me girlfriend looks like Peggy Mount
What am I supposed to do?
I'm up the creek,
And never mind the paddle boy,
I haven't even got a canoe."