Saturday, 4 April 2009

Sven Sven wherever you may be

Well, although it's business as usual in the English league, with some pleasingly guttural cries currently being heard from one man in the crowd at the Liverpool/Fulham match, things are a bit topsy-turvy in the Latin nations. Of which more later.

Everyone who wasn't talking about the Grand National today was talking about Shearer going back to the Toon (and I'm sorry, but Iain Dowie?? WTF??!!) and the hugeness of the popularity of this decision by the derisive Mr Ashley. But there they are. Fucked - again - by Chelsea and still teetering on the precipice. Similarly, Spurs are shooting themselves in the foot again (though I hear the ref wasn't up to scratch - but them's the breaks, eh? Loved Harry's sarcastic little rant on 5 Live as well. He's real value for money, isn't he?)

For the religiously connected actress role, this is how I see it. As it stands, the Baggies obviously, Boro looking dead certs now, and...? That's the $64,000 question. My gut feeling is that the Geordies (despite the presence of Mary P) and the Mackems (what a strange accent Ricky Sbragia has) are looking increasingly dodgy. Stoke are too hard and their ground is on a piece of land magically transported from Siberia. Blackburn are just bastards, as are Bolton, and they should stay clear. Pompey are likely candidates along with Hull.

We could of course see any of a number of teams sucked into the vortex - including Spurs and City. I didn't see the game up the Arse today, but the little I've heard hasn't exactly given me the feeling that we battled hard and didn't deserve to lose. From what I can gather, there were some naughty tackles and a fair bit of luck that we didn't lose by a lot more than the two. Additionally, Robinho has again attracted negative publicity. We should be safe, but it's been a largely underwhelming season, enlivened only by the endless 'Europa League' adventure and the bringing on of Martin Jol and his bunch of hamburgers.

My second favourite footy story of the week has been the lifetime ban for Barry Ferguson and that other twat. Hail hail!

But, on to my favourite footy story, set in North America geographically, and South America spiritually. The shock hammering of the Argies high up among the coffee beans comes hard on the heels of the recent sacking of the Mexico manager. Anyone who has been reading this for a while may remember that I originally styled it 'I Am Sven's Love Child' and spent many pointless hours spewing words on to the page about the great man. I was genuinely saddened when he left - especially as he was replaced by the Welsh breeze (wind is too strong for him) bag. So I look forward (thanks to my non-football-following friend for the surprise tweet) to the possibility of a return.

I for one would welcome our new dome-headed overlord. In fact, I would luv it!


Michael said...

It's between us, Boro and the mackems for the last two places. Hopefully we can get something from Siberia next week.

prof. Labradoodle said...

Mr Myeral,

Did you receive a "Boys Book of Cliches" for Christmas? How else to explain "the 64,000 dollar question" your "gut feeling" and sundry mentions of "the toon", "mackems" and "the arse."
Or perhaps you're angling for a copy-editors job in the popular press?


Prof. P. Watterhund said...


I am writing in response to the childish comments upon your post by Prof. Labradoodle.
For me, your work evokes all the kitchen-sink charm of "footer" with just the right air of Woodbines and rough male speech to remind us of how much we love cheering on "our" "lads".
Just one point- I believe that in the Newcastle area Mr Shearer is popularly known as "Tubby Johnson."

Prof Labradoodle. said...

Well, well. Did Prof. Watterhund receive a "Boys book of how to get things wrong" for Christmas ?
Alan Shearer's authentic nick-name is NOT "Tubby Johnson" but rather a take on Shakespeare and the fact that many locals idolise Jackie Milburn. Thus they chant: "To Be John's son?" with suitable awe and reverence.

Prof. P. Watterhund said...


Labradoodle's snipings and general boorishness show him to be no gentleman, nor even a "salty" "navigator" with a "heart of gold."
And for his information my wife bought me tickets to the Old Vic revival of "The Muttering Nutter" for Christmas.

Prof Labradoodle. said...

I notice that Watterhund is already reduced to ad hominem attacks and clumsy attempts to look intellectual by name-dropping one of the finest post-modern plays by what is certainly one of our finest play-wrights. Pathetic.

Frank Rich said...

Sorry gentlemn, I don't have anything to offer on the soccer topic but I saw that production of 'The Muttering Nutter' and seldom have I had the cascade of emotions that I experienced that night. Brilliant, just brilliant.

ronaldo42 said...

City arew gay!!!!

i leather said...

I was at the Theatre of Dreams and I woke up in a lather.

Prof L Scratch Perry said...

Jungle jungle.