The Back Teeth

Today, in a very odd way, it was at last confirmed that I will be switching my role to a non-operational one, starting in just a matter of weeks. Notwithstanding the way it was communicated - which was while I was present at a meeting to which I was only invited just as it started - I don't feel quite so energised by the prospect as I did way back in March. The main reason is that it's too fucking late now, innit? I am fairly confident that I will be around till the end of the year (god willing) and there could be a lot of opportunities arising from whatever the hell happens over the next three months. At the same time of course, I can see a slow bleed. A Gordon Brown style death by a thousand cuts as I am forced to explain (during a handover process) exactly what I have screwed up so royally over the past year and a half.

I will not be downtrodden, however, and will strive to make the most of the short future which lies ahead of me. I am starting with a project to re-align the twenty million or so job titles and descriptions which are currently in use as we strive to streamline and rationalise our service offering to meet the needs of the client. When I was first given the task my mind wandered, as it tends to do, onto a whimsical little folly of giving people in my team military ranks commensurate with their characters. Of course, none of the names will mean anything to anyone who doesn't know those I work with, but I chuckled merrily to myself (at least) while compiling the list as I watched Ray Mears using a lighter and a strip of inner tube (boy, have standards slipped there!) in the Amazon jungle the other night. Here, for no-one's benefit other than my own, is a selection of some of my favourites:


Major Wood
Colonel Murray
Bombardier Bailey
Gunner French (Spike Milligan has to be referenced. I do not refer to It Ain't Half Hot Mum. In case you're wondering)
General Leigh
Lance-Corporal Lakis
Sergeant-Major Rees (Welsh Guards)
Colour Sergeant Dutton
Wing Commander Wayne
Brigadier _______ (too much of an unusual name to give away)

It might be fun to think about your own colleagues and have a go yourself at giving them military ranks. Why don't you give it a try?