Saturday, 21 June 2008

In Gear

So, just in time for the end of oil, I have at last joined the driving classes. Yesterday was a very fraught one as I waited for the time to tick down to 3 o'clock and the start of my second test. I performed terribly, I thought, stalling the car 3 times and even trying to move off in 2nd gear, so that the examiner had to remind me to change down! I felt that I had done much worse than on the first attempt, was incredibly nervous and convinced that I would fail. But, the examiner uttered the following words as we pulled into the test centre:

"Alan. That's a pass."

My response?

"Are you serious?"

Thankfully he was, and he handed me the necessary paperwork and took away my provisional licence. It was actually the same examiner who tested me the first time, and he went through the same 'relaxation' routine again, asking me what I did for a living. Maybe it was because I told him I worked for the government as opposed to Channel 4, which disposed him more kindly towards me. Or maybe it was because there were several lunatics on the test course and I successfully managed to avoid death or serious injury. Without a word of a lie, as I waited at a junction in one of the quieter back streets of Wood Green, a vehicle passed that was clocking easily 50, maybe even 60, miles an hour. Who knows? In any case, the parts of the test I was worried about all went smoothly - most notably the reverse parking - and those I had no concerns about - such as hill starts - went badly wrong.

After it was all over, I felt as if I had been put through the wringer and had all of the emotional energy squeezed out of me. But for now, pending some insurance shenanigans, I can get behind the wheel and contribute to the great carbon emission competition.

30 comments:

marie said...

no more pince à vélo for you then?

Myeral said...

I won't be trading them in for a while yet, don't worry about that

g riding said...

A lot of problems would be solved if they just gave subsidies to people who ride donkeys.

A donkey said...

Huuumphry Littleton! What you should do is introduce some kind of test for people who want to drive donkeys. Just because I have ears like errant wings doesn't mean that they can be just grabbed hold of when the road gets a bit bumpy.

snickerty lemon said...

A lot more problems would be solved if they gave donkeys to people who ride subsidies.

Cracula's Drastle said...

Ahem. Even more problems would be solved if you gave subsidies to donkeys.

des lennis said...

Would any problems be solved if you just gave donkeys to everybody? Everybody in the world?

chobby barlton said...

Donkeys for all!

mob bonkhouse said...

What if you held a giant fete offering donkeys to all in the global village and nobody came?

manley stortenson said...

What if you offered giants ?

like meigh said...

What if those giants held the fate of all donkeys in their hands?

bubby croccoli said...

What if Hans Christian Anderson had a giant donkey?

sock j. tein said...

He did.

a jlucard said...

Did you know that there is a gentleman I know whose name is Danny French?

bakeroooo said...

could i have a mule instead?

r giding said...

What if everyone had a dick like a giant donkey?

Mat-ban said...

What if all keys were shaped like Don's dick?

busty din said...

What if Richard Keyes' keys were all shaped like Philip K. Dick's donkey's dick's key?

Money B said...

What's a dick key?

forselover hat said...

Philip K. Dick famously had his donkey wear a chastity belt.

jeremy's iron said...

In answer to Busty Din's question: It would mean that Richard Keyes could have sex with Philip K. Dick's donkey any time he liked.

kordian gnot said...

In regard to Jeremy's iron's answer to Busty Din's question: It would also mean that Richard Keyes would no longer be able to start his car or enter his own home.

gilbert's poteroo's gilbert said...

In regard to Kordion Gnot's regard to Jeremy's Iron's answer to Busty Din's question: Richard Keyes would still be able to enter his home if he lived inside Philip K. Dick's donkey's chastity belt.

d davies said...

In answer to money b's question. Me

caffa jake said...

He's got Dickie Davies thighs.

edward baboons said...

'Historically significant' is a bit of a stretch for that photo isn't it?

Hony tart said...

Hysterically, I sign if I can't.

arthur ellis said...

28! A record.

mikethepikey said...

COOL BLOG MATE

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Myeral said...

Cheers Mike. Like the look of yours, will take a detailed look soon as I get a chance.