Bumble

Whilst pondering the latest hilarious balls-up issuing from this monumentally incompetent bunch of idiots in Whitehall, I wondered how I would feel if I had been suspended for actually following a directive from my superior. Not unusual perhaps in the mad world of politics, but nevertheless I think I might be a little bit peeved – even if I was suspended on full pay. Worth noting then the catalogue of disasters which these clowns have overseen in the past few months.

There was to begin with the issue of Vince Cable telling two lovely young undercover reporters about his big dick and its ability to smash the Murdoch empire; for which pathetic posturing his own (BIS) empire was broken up, although he was still able to remain in charge of the smaller department thus created. Hard on the heels of this was the spectacular fuck-up of the News International bugging scandal, implicating everyone up to (and especially) the PM himself with that matey-boy Coulson shite. This alone would surely have brought a government down if we were living in a saner time? But no. It was not to be. Met Police Commissioners were falling like flies, and yet Cameron continues talking crap out of his shiny metal ass.

Then there was Oliver Letwin, that ‘lovable eccentric’ of the Cabinet, doing his Parliamentary and Constituency business in St James’s Park, tossing confidential information in public waste bins. Oh, he is a one, isn’t he? However, such madcap behaviour could not be allowed to rest on its laurels. Oh no. In a process at least as painful as extracting teeth in the Crimea, that delightful Dr. Fox was finally found to have been arranging political and cash deals (although of course there could be no suggestion that he made any personal gain from any of this. Heaven forefend!) with his, er, best man. I only hope that his stated wish to return to the highest level of government comes true. The political world is a poorer place without the likes of him to brighten it up, don’t you agree?

With that little peccadillo behind them, onward marched the brave souls of the Coalition, clearly not satisfied with their fantastic track record to this point. Obviously feeling that there hadn’t been enough incidences of ministers throwing confidential data away, that man Vince Cable once again quick-stepped his way into the headlines by allowing private correspondence to be left in clear plastic bags outside his Constituency Office. Good man! Keep it up.

Now (and I’m sure I must have missed one or two serious gaffes – so please feel free to add any you can think of) we have that lovely Theresa May woman – not content with making up stories about cats and immigrants and falling out with cuddly Ken Clarke at the same time – expressing her ‘fury’ over the relaxation of border controls, when it turns out she had ordered them in the first place. This is a very fine example of strong leadership, perpetuating the vicious and bogus smears against foreigners with a less than £35K earning potential. Stand there preaching at me.

Satire may well have died with the Nobel Peace Prize award to Henry Kissinger, but the zombie is sure doing a fine dance.